Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Short Story: "The Mystery of the Child and the Ice Cream Jingle"

Part 1: "The Mystery of the Child and the Ice Cream Jingle"




*Selecta Ice Cream Jingle plays in the background*

Baby Keisha: (with eyes widening) Mommy... what's that sound?
Mommy: (sweetly) Nothing....

*Selecta Ice Cream Jingle continues to play*

Baby Keisha: (ears twitching) What's that sound Mommy???
Mommy: Nothing....


Baby Keisha: (jumping up and down) Mommy! Mommy! What's that sound, Mommy?!

Mommy: Nothing! You're FAT!

-end-


What's the moral of the story?

Part 2....

Monday, May 17, 2010

Learn how to Jejemon write! Lolz!...~ jejejeje!

Jejemon Encounters

ei0w p03Hwz!!

So, we've all had encounters with them Jejemons - from random text messages, Friendster friend requests (back in the day, you remember?), Facebook status updates, and other Social Networking site - and now they have conquered mainstream media - with a fast growing viral popularity that rivals MelaSon or OchoOcho. They are now (unfortunately) part of Philippine Culture and even in other parts of Asia.



___________________________________________
Anti Jejemon!
During the Philippine Presidential Election campaigns, we saw Jejemon being used as a campaign tool - like this photo of Sec. Gibo Teodoro. I also heard VP Candidate Jejomar Binay was turned into Jejemon Binay.

Because of this though, I have begun having this nagging feeling that I need to learn how to write in Jejemon (or Jejenese) so that at least I will be able to understand it, if eventually it takes over our normal language. :p

Here goes... I apologize in advance for any headaches this post will induce - it's all for academic purposes. Lolz!,,,Jejejeje!~~jeje!! Read on!

Jejemons use numbers f0r lett3rs - just b3c4use th3y're cut3r!


So I started with the obvious ones, exchange letters for numbers - "a" can be "4", like with a sl4nted psychedelic look to it. Exchange "e" with "3", but not 4ll the tim3. You c4n still us3 the normal "e", sometim3s. 3xh4nge y0ur capital "G" with "6" and sm4ll "g" with "9" - it m4k3s s3nse ri9ht? You can use "2" in pl4ce of "to" or "4" inste4d 0f "for" 4nytim3 y0u f33l like y0u n33d 2 do it... 4nd finally, us3 th3 numb3r "0" instead of the letter "o", just b3caus3 it's cut3r th4t w4y. Co0l! 63ttin9 th3 h4n9 0f it n0w?


Jejemons use symbols, m4k3,,tEx+s~,,'m0r3,,iNterezt!n9~~


 L3t's g0 n0w 2 symb0ls! Try usin9 "+" in pl4c3 of "t" sinc3 i+ lo0ks th3 s4me anyw4y. R3pl4cing "i" wi+h "!" is jus+ w0nd3rfully art!st!c 4nd !ngen!0us, d0n't y0u 4gr33? By th3 w4y, an "a" c4n als0 be r3pl@c3d with an @ symb0l, d3p3nd!ng 0n h0w difficult it will bec0me 2 c0mpr3hend. I m3@n, d0n'+ us3 @ wh3n y0u're wr!tin9 an 3ma!l @dd3ss!

To g3t a wave-l!ke effect on your texts, use UPPER and lower case letters alternately. And wh!l3 w3'r3 4t !t, l3t's dr0p th3 "s" 4 s0m3 w0rDz and üs3 "z" inzte4d. Zpr!nkl3 i+ ar0und y0ur s3nt3nc3z 2 mak3 it m0r3 v!br4nt aNd in+er3sting 4 th3 r3aD3r.

J3jem0nZ aLs0 uSe a Wh0le l0t of pUnCtü4t!0n m4rkz,,, iMpr0p3r ~uSa9e,,oF''c0mM4s iz f0r3m0st. ExCl4ma+i0n po!ntz aRe a müzt,,!!

S0me uzefl jejemon shorcüts!! ~~üüü
Alt + 126 =  ~
Alt + 129 = ü
Alt +130 = é
Alt + 131 to 134 = âäàå
aNd,,m4Ny~o+hérz!


Jejemons abbrv8 much

4n0tH3r j3jeM0n wR!+N9 rUl3, If~ tH3RE Ev3r~ w@z oNe IS - AbBr3v!8! Lolz!~ sINc3~ It wuz OrI9In4llY mEanT~ 4 tXT mEsSGEz, D ShORTEnInG Of~ wOrDZ iz å MüSt~ w3lL, eSPeC!ally sinC3 åNoTH3r~ rulE oF jEjemON wRitnG iz,, d adDiN9 Of A G3NErOüZ aMOUNT of coMMaz, ElLIpseZ, nD Wha+vER~ eLse~.

uSe "u" INsT3ad of "you", "d" INsteAD~ oF "the", "w/" f0r "with" aND dr0P lett3rz~ WeNeVER pOssIbLe.

Jejemons laugh heartily at every opportunity! Jejeje!


jeJemONz arE a~ Hpi BunCH. Jejejeje!! ~ thEY aRE @ctUallY nmeD dAT w4y BeC~ oF Th3ir~ VERy unIQUe l4ugHt3R~ - jejejeje! ThiZ TyP3 oF L4u9hT3R, sUm s@y, wuz oRig!nAllY uSeD bY oNl!ne mmoRPG g@meRz wHil3 tH3y pUmMeL oPp0n3nts 2 d gRoUnD. Jejejejeje!


Jejemons respect elders poehwz.


L@sTly, jej3m0nz aRe,, kN0wN 2 b v3rY~ k!nD nD r3speCtfUl, d3sp!te tHe!r wRiTin9 stYl3. It iz n0t uNuSuAl 4 j3jemonz 2 eNd aNy sent3nz w/ "po" - a s!gn of~ r3spEct 4 Filipinos. TH3r ar sveral vRsi0ns- frm d s!mpl3 "poh" 2 d mor iNteRestn9 "poewh" 2 d fLaMboUyant~ "phoewhzz" - tAk3 ur piCk pohw!!!!~~~ jejeje!

You are now a Jejemon!

Whew!

That was quite a challenge to write (and READ, i bet!). Now writing in jejemon doesn't end in the text construction - it is much more than that - something I can never teach. Well, first that it is mostly in Tagalog-English or Tag-lish.

Nonetheless, I hope you were able to learn a thing or two from this exercise - at least now, you'll be able to read jejemon! Why don't you go ahead and try it out in the comments section? Hehe! Good luck and go forth, new jejemons!


"Jejemon" won as word of the year in Sawikaan 2010


Believe it, it's true. It beat out contenders “unli,” “load,” “tarpo,” “spam,” “solb,” “emo,” “namumutbol,” “Ondoy,” at “Ampatuan.”



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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

"Can't you just cut me some slacks?!" and other hilarious one liners




The first time I read this list, I was literally teary eyed while trying to stop myself from laughing out loud during our Information Technology 101 class....

This is an old joke list I unearthed while going through my Xanga blog archives. It had me in stitches once again, much like the first time I read it, so I figured, it needs to be reposted! :p I modified it a bit too, to update it for 2009.  :p

How to misuse Figures of Speech

  • Company manager mulling over his next strategic move: "Argh! This is a no-win-win situation!"
  • Man to his new wife: "Don't worry honey, we'll just burn the bridge when we get there."
  • Lawyer to the jury: "Ladies and gentlemen, this contract is anulled and void!"
  • Same lawyer above, on a different case: "Your honor, this exercise is mute and academic..."
  • Man to his friend, "Don't worry too much about it, if worse comes to shove, just leave it!"

Monday, August 17, 2009

The Cure for Pink Eye




Have you ever had Pink Eye?




Overheard:

"Oh! You know what, a friend of mine from work recently gave birth. She was worried her baby was not drinking enough milk from her breast. She said her breasts always felt full like they were about to burst, and the veins on the sides were showing like those on an angry person's neck..."

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Nerdy Joke #01

A Hydrogen atom and a Helium atom were strolling in the park when suddenly the Hydrogen atom exclaimed, "Oh shit! I lost an electron!"

The Helium atom asks, "Hm.. are you sure??"

And Hydrogen says, "Yes! I'm POSITIVE!"



tee hee hee...