Tuesday, November 24, 2009

"Can't you just cut me some slacks?!" and other hilarious one liners

The first time I read this list, I was literally teary eyed while trying to stop myself from laughing out loud during our Information Technology 101 class....

This is an old joke list I unearthed while going through my Xanga blog archives. It had me in stitches once again, much like the first time I read it, so I figured, it needs to be reposted! :p I modified it a bit too, to update it for 2009.  :p

How to misuse Figures of Speech

  • Company manager mulling over his next strategic move: "Argh! This is a no-win-win situation!"
  • Man to his new wife: "Don't worry honey, we'll just burn the bridge when we get there."
  • Lawyer to the jury: "Ladies and gentlemen, this contract is anulled and void!"
  • Same lawyer above, on a different case: "Your honor, this exercise is mute and academic..."
  • Man to his friend, "Don't worry too much about it, if worse comes to shove, just leave it!"
  • Girl to boyfriend: "Ohh? Are you joking my leg?"
  • Exclamation: "Oh my God! It's a blessing in the sky."
  • Randy: "Dawg, you're barking at the wrong dog."
  • Simon: "You want to have your cake and bake it too... well it ain't happenin'."
  • "Now and there..."
  • "I'm only human nature...sob!"
  • "The sky's the langit." (For non Filipinos, "langit" means... well... "sky".)
  • When boss asked how project is progressing, employee answers: "Sir, so far, so good...so far." Boss respond: "Well, hurry up! Time is of the elements."
  • Describing a shooting star: "Then it was gone in the wink of an eye!"
  • "The feeling is actual."
  • "For all intense and purposes."
  • Explaining: "It's a base-to-base casis..."
  • "Can't you just cut me some slacks?!"

Pinoys' Mga Sablay na Hirit

  • Gangster walks in to find his wife with another man and says, "Well well well, look do we have here!"
  • Pinoy mom to son's friends: "C'mon, anak, invite your friends, oy c'mon let's join us!"
  • Security guard to driver: "Sir, please open the back - I need to inspect your trunks."
  • "Are you sure ka na ba?" 
  • Religious woman: "Oh my God! My answers have been prayered."
  • An emotional wife to her husband: "Please!    me!   alone!!!"
  • To car owner after periodic maintenance: "Ayan na ser, It's as brand as new!"
  • "Sorry I'm late, I ran into some errands."
  • In a bar: "Hi. I'm Charlie, what's yours?" 
  • Boss to subordinate: "It's not my problem anymore! It's YOUR problem anymore!"
  • Friends talking at a funeral: "Grabe, you can never can tell, no?"
  • Man 1: "Pare let's go to Cagayan de Oro and go white water rafting!" Man2: "Ha! Been there, been that, pare."
  • Exasperated, "You know what? Just forget it about it..."
  • Boy to friends: "Yeah! We went for it right there and right then!"
  • "Hoy Pedro! Where'd you came from? Ha?"
  • Employee: "But there's just too many things on my table. I need an assistant!" Boss: "Why don't you just take things first at a time."
  • "Listen everyone... first and for all..." 
  • Friend to woman crying over suspected cheating husband: "Don't be too quick to judge... just give him the benefit of the daw."
  • "What is the world is coming to?"
  • "What is the next that is?"
  • At a bar: "So... what's a beautiful girl like you?"
  • Bella to Jacob and Edward: "Aah stop fighting! I can't take it anymore of this!"
  • Miley: "Get the most of both worlds!"
  • "Bahala na sila sa mga batman nila."
  • "That's what I'm talking about it."
  • "One of these days is not like the other."
  •  "*Sigh* Whatever you say so."

Have a one-liner to add? Leave it in the comments section below!

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  1. i know, right? winner! nakakaloka! haha! ay adik. reply ko to ke jan ah. bat andito . wahaha!

  2. Haha, oo nga eh, bakit hindi nakareply don kay Jan? Adik ang Disqus. :p Lol!

  3. ehek. smartbro adik. naputol connection ko e. pagrefresh ko, andun na sa dulo ung reply ko. baka maya nakahiwalay na naman tong comment na to. LOL

  4. Smart bro? Boo! hahaha. Hala, lalabas nga pala sa Twitter ito. Baka sugurin ako ng mga taga Smart... wah!